Life's Matters

Life has thrown me so many curve balls. Not to mention I'm not that great at baseball let alone a softball player. So what is a girl to do. I'll be working on perfecting what I am great at - cartwheels. So what is a cartwheel? It's a mental flip I do when I'm excited about something or someone. I like doing cartwheels. I sometimes have to sit criss- cross applesauce because of frustration, a lack of excitement or just thinking of excitement. Cartwheels can even be done in an effort to motivate oneself. Go ahead, girl - do a cartwheel. Guys do a handstand. Let go, live, love, laugh!!!!

Today, Friday, August 13, 2010, I welcome my meantime. I give in to the fact that I have to do some soul cleaning before love comes. One must say "hello" to change and welcome all painful truths and unwanted facts about themselves. One must realize while others go through the "meantime", it can be hurtful becaused closed scalps will have to be reopened on old wounds and that's going to hurt like heck. During this process, I and others moved to change will realize some wrong thoughts drawn about that caused what has been felt, seen, believed, or even concluded from past relationships. I've realized love is none of the things I associated with it posing an awful feeling. I don't know if I've ever actually seen the kind of love I desire. The image I had of love has smeared colors that are bleeding on one another. In the words of Iyanla Vanzant I wanted someone to make me fly, and not even care if the people on the ground can see my panties while I'm...

I have been thinking lately about life after death. I want to live Godly in an effort to live eternally in Glory. People often ask “what if there isn't a heaven?”and to those people I would say "it's not harming me any to try a consciously live Godly. What harm am I doing to myself or others striving to show love most of the time, even to complete strangers. Can I send myself or others to a state of depression or disappointment by wanting them to see God in me, which means they will mostly encounter God when meeting me. It will be too late for da** at that time of departure, so I'm going to live everyday as if in the morning I may wake in the presence of the Almighty. I can only suggest u do the same and remember I'm only human and trying to play my part in God's plan for us all. He plans on my presence in eternity and I sure don't want to disappoint Him. So again live, laugh, love, and let God walk with you into eternal destiny.

I have tried all my life to figure out who or what I am to do. Nothing seems to work in my favor for long. It has taken me about 30 years to figure out why. I decided to make some changes during this summer break from work. I would not have thought the transformation would have taken place a couple of days before work was to begin again. I know now it had to. I realize now things keep getting out of whack because I should just be living and allowing God to guide me. See we weren't born to live for ourselves.We were born to do a job for God while living. The rewards would be full of joy everlasting. Ok some pain, how else do we know what the joy feels like. I recently gave myself permission to grow and that meant going back to childhood spiritually and giving God (the permission he didn't need but I'm sure he appreciated me giving)permission to really order my steps. He breathed the breath of life in me, so the least I could do as I rise is say "Yes, Lord, speak to me...

Life is to be experienced - good or bad. One must sacrifice to truly show him or herself loyal. Even when it involves loyalty to oneself. One thing I found to be true, you must look pass the obvious if you really want to see what's inside a person's heart, to even see what is inside you. Hurt and damage can be caused by others disappointments but if we learn with practice to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not lean to our own understanding,He will truly direct our paths. I think this will allow room for growth and less hurt from disappointment, not to mention less disappointments. Real love is forgiving, even when it is not so easy to do. Let's grow together yall....

Christians by Maya Angelou When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'" I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven." When I say... "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide. When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on. When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess. When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it. When I say... "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name. When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a sim...

I had plan to talk about humbleness. I guess it goes hand in hand with tonight's topic. Humble me, Lord, not for me but for those whose lives you use me to touch for the better. Humble me, Lord that when I dwell in the house of kings I may dwell with heavenly and earthly honor. When we have talent we must ensure we give all praises to the Creator for it. Our attitude and how we view others will be a reflection of our understanding that God blesses us with all talents. In life we must be sure to know there is a difference in the words confidence and conceit. When one has confidence in him or herself, it is a surety in God that he will continue to provide you with the talent that makes you anything but ordinary but conceit (self-deceit) is a surety that you have made yourself anything but ordinary. It's a thin line yall . I've crossed it a time or two myself. May God keep me focused not to again. We cling to our true source, our first love - God Almighty, our sole provider,...

I got confronted today by some feelings that I had been harboring for some while. I am just now learning to live with my plans for myself and my kids not working to my best advantage. I laugh when I hear Jordan say he will be the next hot Disney star. I had the same thoughts. I knew I was destined to be an actoress. Maybe more summers in Cali with my family and who knows. I hope his dreams for himself all blossom into reality. He is a great kid and deserves it. The confrontation came with me realizing that I kept myself, still keeping myself from a lot of great STUFF. Riding to J'ville I have been listening to Indie Arie and I cry everytime. It wasn't until the other day , a person I had not forgiven came into my presence. Now I realize why Indie Arie's song "The Heart of the Matter" has an effect on me. Not only had I not forgiven people in my life.... I had not forgiven myself. So in the words of Indie "The more I know, the less I undertsand. All the thing...

This morning I rose from my bed after laughing myself to sleep from watching "King of the Hill". I don't know but although I was tired I woke with such a wonderful joy. This joy is the kind one is use to sharing with a child during reading or playing; maybe even acting silly, singing. I felt as if I had been awaken and the father gave me the world in my hand. Today I felt as if my superfriend had given me back my superpowers. I felt I could conquer the world. Guess what, I did!! I experienced joy all day long and now I await to watch "King of the Hill" again tonight.Laugh myself to sleep and awake with that same joy again tomorrow. Who know maybe even more. So in the morning when you rise or better yet tonight before you sleep, purpose to endure tomorrow with the joy of living. After all, you are in control of that!

Today is a new day. One must take a step back and look at oneself. There is no way to know what you are capable of accomplishing if you do not try. We often hear people say "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade". I think you have to ensure you have your own cups of sugar. We all are given our very own recipe for lemonade, we have to dig in our spirit and bring it into existence. When life gives you lemon, check out your recipe from God before you proceed to make lemonade. Then add your sugar and pull in all the sweet rewards of being an entrepreneur . You will accomplish goals you forgot you once desired. Taste nature at its best. God's plan for you being fulfilled. Ummmm , ummm good!

The beauty of waking to see another day is you getting a chance to change what you will. Today's beauty allows me to open my mind and heart to possibilities that I counted out. Maybe today I will walk into the man of my dreams. Maybe that man isn't the artist Common. LOL . Maybe I can see couples walking again and smile with pleasure not smile to keep from crying. I want to be loved by the man I will be with til God calls us home. Can't express how much I long for this love. I think I'm always enough to be a friend or fling but never good enough to be the real thing. So use to settling in old age, I forgot how I was the pick of the prime back in the day. Today's beauty has helped me realize somewhere for some reason, I became desperate for love and settled. Getting it from all the wrong people. Grabbing it from all the wrong places. My life's matters are the same as so many. Gotta keep my head up and pray for the best to happen for myself.

Still thinking about considering myself common. Am I common to the students I teach? Am I common to the people at the corner store? Do others see the light from heart that I want to shine through my face? Do others even notice the desire I have to make his or her day, just by my being alive this or that day? I am so set on changing for the better of mankind that I have to look at all life's matters. I have come to realize that my actions can influence or hinder someone's thoughts, dersire, and actions. I didn't ask for this but surely I want to make the best out of life's matters that one may meet me and feel as if they will never be the same. Not on a supernatural level I leave that for God but on us being blessed to have met. Still I must remember I'm common folks. Loving being common.

How in the world is a common girl like myself going to embark a lasting impression on the world, I ask myself. I guess I just have to help my kids and one of my students do great throughout life. Who knows how God will use it to bless me. I wanted to be an actress, I would be good at it. Shoot,I would be great at it. I said I was going to write a book and I will. It was be real but hilarious. Just haven't sat down and started on it. Man, it can be a job being common. A single mom of two, full-time student, and an awaiter for true love. Is that even a word. Well, so many thoughts on my mind but I'm not going to boggle your mind with them all tonight. More thoughts tomorrow.