The Heart of the Matter

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I got confronted today by some feelings that I had been harboring for some while. I am just now learning to live with my plans for myself and my kids not working to my best advantage. I laugh when I hear Jordan say he will be the next hot Disney star. I had the same thoughts. I knew I was destined to be an actoress. Maybe more summers in Cali with my family and who knows. I hope his dreams for himself all blossom into reality. He is a great kid and deserves it. The confrontation came with me realizing that I kept myself, still keeping myself from a lot of great STUFF. Riding to J'ville I have been listening to Indie Arie and I cry everytime. It wasn't until the other day , a person I had not forgiven came into my presence. Now I realize why Indie Arie's song "The Heart of the Matter" has an effect on me. Not only had I not forgiven people in my life.... I had not forgiven myself. So in the words of Indie "The more I know, the less I undertsand. All the things I thought I knewand figured out, I'm learning them all again. I'm trying to get down, to the heart of the matter but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter." I know it's about forgiveness, even if I still don't completely forgive myself for not being all I could be. I have to heal the disconnection within me. I don't know when it started but today it is going to end. I have waited my whole life for that special someone to come along and complete me. I had to learn the tough way true love and completion begins with God and me. I do get it. . So today I decided to have a private party with me, my angels, and my two boys to look at how far we have come. I'm having a long needed private party, learning how to love me, celebrating the woman I've become. Guess what world- Today I am celebrating me!!!!!! Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!!!!

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